the elephant in the room (and me trying to have sex with it)

I’m faced with the nearly inescapable conclusion that there is almost no chance of me finding a girl who just wants to have sex with me any time soon.

Don’t get me wrong, there are actually plenty of girls here in China who would have sex with me, but the sex isn’t really what they’re looking for. No, what they want is a relationship. A relationship leading to marriage, where “marriage” is defined as locking me into taking care of them for the rest of their lives while they gradually devour my soul one criticism at a time.

Such is my understanding of relationships, anyway.

But seriously, the concept of sex for recreation here in China is about as foreign as, well, me, which makes it exceedingly frustrating when I see a cute girl checking me out. Because I know she’s not just interested in sex.

And it’s pretty confusing from their side as well. They don’t seem to understand that yeah, I can totally be interested in having sex with them, but that doesn’t mean I want to marry them—or even date them.

What’s really annoying is that despite my best efforts, I apparently do still have a conscience, and I just can’t bring myself to try and seduce a girl when I know for a fact that I have no real interest in her beyond sex. Because I know that no matter how honest I tried to be, she would still get the wrong idea.

I’m speaking from experience here, because I did briefly date a Chinese girl. Very briefly. I told her from the beginning that it would be a casual relationship as I was leaving for Australia before too long, and she agreed that this was fine. But almost immediately she started treating me like I was her boyfriend/fiancée and we’d been together for years. It seriously creeped me out. I guess she figured that she could change my mind once she got her claws deep enough into me, or something. And no, I don’t mean that as a criticism of women in general; just this particular one.

But really, when it comes down to it, are there any girls out there who would just have sex with me, and not be secretly wanting something more? No, seriously, this is not a rhetorical question. If they actually exist, where are they and what are their names, addresses, and phone numbers.

Honestly though, every girl I’ve ever had sex with (granted this is not an astronomical number we’re talking about here) wanted something more than just sex. But at the time, I wasn’t fully aware of this. I figured they were feeling the same thing I was feeling, and we were all on the same page.

My first clue that this was not the case came from my housemate in college. He pointed out to me that no, the girl in question did not drive all the way over from Seattle just to have sex with me. In fact, she was hoping that we were actually in the nascent period of a relationship.

Naturally, this came as quite shock to me. After all, I’d travel a hellova lot farther than 1,000 km to have sex with someone I was attracted to. In fact, I think my upper limit of travel for guaranteed sex is, um, well, how far away is Mars?

Regardless, knowing what I know now makes it practically impossible for me to try and find someone to have sex with. Because I’ve been hurt in the past myself, and I never, ever want to make someone else feel the way I’ve felt.

Am I overreacting? Maybe I just have a big mental hang-up on this one, but I feel like a large quantity of guys who go out and seduce women just end up hurting those women (emotionally) because women simply don’t want sex for its own sake as much as men do.

Yeah. I once had a woman tell me that women want sex as much as men, but if that were true the human race would still be living in caves because nothing would ever, ever get done. Seriously, how many great discoveries and accomplishments achieved by men were because they were trying to increase their sex appeal to women? How many great songs, books, movies, and inventions were developed by men because they were thinking, “Yeah, this’ll totally get me laid!”

Pretty much all of them, I bet.


About Critical Awesomeness
I'm a 32-year-old American with a PhD in chemistry and a green hat. Only one of these two things is really important.

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